3 posts tagged “family”
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we
feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we
hesitate to say the actual words "I love you." So we try to communicate
the idea in other words.
We say ‘take care’ or ‘don’t drive too fast’ or ‘be good.’ But really,
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say,
and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don’t say.
And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so
strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we
really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all
and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are
An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though the words might be saying very different.
Any expression of a person’s concern for another says I love you.
A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his
A daughter comes home way past her curfew, and her father confronts her
with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she
listen carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. "I was
worried about you," the father is saying. ‘Because I care about you and
I love you. You are important to me.’
We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes,
with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by
just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking
out, even brusquely. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many
times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not
listened to the love we have tried to express.
The problem in listening for love is that we don’t always understand
the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use
tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may
not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.
Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.
The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other.
They hear the words, but they don’t listen to the actions that
accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen
only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that
is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry. We have
to listen for love in those around us.
If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved
than we realize. Listen for love and we will find that the world is a
very loving place, after all.
LOVE is a happy thing.
It is not the presence or absence of people that makes the difference
because a person need not be lonely even if he is alone. Sometimes it
is good to be alone. But that does not make us lonely. It is not a
matter of being present WITH someone. It is a matter of being present
TO someone.
So remember…If you love someone, tell them. Remember always to say what you mean. Never be afraid to express yourself. Take this opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you. Seize the day and have no regrets.
Most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have
these are just other ways of saying ‘I love you,’ ‘you are important to
me,’ ‘I care what happens to you,’ ‘I don’t want you to get hurt.’
saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more
often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous
insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are
expressed insincerely.
Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we
must look and listen very intently for the love that contains. But it is
often there, beneath the surface.
room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he
will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do
well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately
emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same.
It makes us laugh.
It makes us sing.
It makes us sad.
It makes us cry.
It makes us seek the reason why.
It makes us take.
It makes us give.
Above all else it makes us LIVE.
helped make you the person that you are today and are what it’s all
about anyway.
Win an argument, lose a friend.
Read a very interesting article of late:
Life and How to Survive It by Adrian Tan; Author of "The Teenage Textbook"
Excerpt:
I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.
Marriage is considered one milestone of
life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be
married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the
experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.
If we are to develop an intimate When an action doesn't
relationship, we need to know
each other's desires. If we wish
to love each other, we need to
know what the other person wants
come naturally to you, it is
a greater expression of love.
The five love languages:
Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as:
"You look sharp in that suit."
"Do you ever look nice in that dress! Wow!"
"You must be the best potato cook in the world. I love these potatoes,"
"I really appreciate you washing the dishes tonight."
"Thanks for getting the baby-sitter lined up for tonight. I want you to know I don't take that for granted."
"I really appreciate your taking the garbage out."
By "quality time", I mean giving someone your undivided attention. I don't mean sitting on the couch watching television together. When you spend time that way, ABC or NBC has your attention - not your spouse. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking. Have you noticed that in a restaurant, you can almost tell the difference between a dating couple and a married couple? Dating couples look at each other and talk. Married couples sit there and gaze around the restaurant. You'd think they went there to eat!
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, "Look, he was thinking of me," or, "She remembered me." You must be thinking of someone to give him a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn't matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him. And it is not the thought inplanted only in the mind that counts, but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love.
Actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, washing dishes (I hate washing dishes!), vacuuming, cleaning a commode, getting hairs out of sink, removing the white spots from the mirror, getting bugs off windshield, taking out the garbage, changing the baby's diaper, painting a bedroom, dusting the bookcase, keeping the car in operating condition, washing or vacuuming the car, cleaning the garage, mowing the grass, trimming the shrubs, raking the leaves, dusting the blinds, walking the dog, changing the cat's litter box, and changing water in the goldfish bowl are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expression of love.
Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one's spouse. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse.
Sexual intercourse, however, is only one dialect in the love language of physical touch. Of the five senses, touching, unlike the other four, is not limited to one localized area of body. Tiny, tactile receptors are located throughout the body. When those receptors are touched or pressed, nerves carry brain impulses and we perceive that the thing that touched us is warm or cold, hard or soft. It causes pain or pleasure. We may also interpret it as loving or hostile. Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. To the person whose primary love language is physical touch, the message will be far louder than the words "I hate you" or "I love you". A slap in the face is deterimental to any child, but it is devastating to a child whose primary love language is touch. A tender hug communicates love to any child, but it shouts love to the child whose primary love language is physical touch. The same is true of adults.
Love touches may be explicit and demand your full attention such as in a back rub or sexual foreplay, culminating in intercourse. On the other hand, love touches may be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on his shoulder as you pour a cup of coffee or rubbing your body against him as you pass in the kitchen.
After years of research, I have realized what a unique situation Mark and Mary presented to me. Seldom do I meet a couple who both have the same love language. For both Mark and Mary, "acts of service" was their primary love language. Hundreds of individuals can identify with eirther Mark or Mary and acknowledge that the primary way that they feel loved is by acts of service on the part of their spouse. Putting away shoes, changing a baby's diaper, washing dishes or a car, vacuuming, or mowing speaks volumes to the individual whose primary love language is acts of service.
You may be wondering, If Mark and Mary had the same primary love language, why were they having so much difficulty? The answer lies in the fact that they were speaking different dialects. They were doing things for each other but not the most important things. When they were forced to think concretely, they easily identified their specific dialects. For Mary it was washing the car, changing the baby's diaper, vacuuming the floor, and mowing the grass, whereas for Mark it was making up the bed, washing the baby's face, putting the shoes in the closet, and having supper underway when he got home from work. When they started speaking the right dialects, their love tanks began to fill. Since acts of service was their primary love language, learning each other's specific dialect was relatively easy for them.
Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other.
He was speaking love, and he was sincere, but she did not understand his language. Perhaps she was looking for love in his behavior and didn't see it. Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.
Neighborhood
Explore friends, family, friends & family, or entire neighborhood.
