2 posts from March 2009

Extract from the book, "The Art of Happiness, A handbook for living" by HH Dalai Lama & Howard C. Cutler

'I answered that from my point of view, the highest happiness is when one reaches the stage of Liberation, at which there is no more suffering. That's genuine, lasting happiness. True happiness relates more to the mind and heart. Happiness that depends mainly on physical pleasure is unstable; one day it's there, the next day it may not be.'

On the surface, it seemed like a fairly obvious observation; of course, happiness and pleasure were two different things. And yet, we human beings are often quite adept at confusing the two. Not long after I returned home, during a therapy session with a patient, I was to have a concrete demonstration of just how powerful that simple realization can be.

Heather was a young single professional working as a counselor in the Phoenix area. Although she enjoyed her job working with troubled youth, for some time she had become increasingly dissatisfied with living in the Phoenix area. She often complained about the growing population, the traffic, and the oppressive heat in the summer. She had been offered a job in a beautiful small town in the mountains. In fact, she had visited that town many times and had always dreamed of moving there. It was perfect. The only problem was the fact that the job she was offered involved an adult clientele. For weeks, she had been struggling with the decision of whether to accept the new job. She just couldn't make up her mind. She tried making up a list of pros and cons, but the list was annoyingly even

She explained, 'I know I wouldn't enjoy the work as much as my job here, but that would be more than compensated for by the pure pleasure of living in that town! I really love it there. Just being there makes me feel good. And I'm so sick of the heat here. I just don't know what to do.'

Her mention of the term 'pleasure' reminded me of the Dalai Lama's words, and, probing a bit, I asked, 'Do you think that moving there would bring you greater happiness or greater pleasure?'

She paused for a moment, uncertain what to make of the question. Finally, she answered, 'I don't know. You know, I think it would bring me more pleasure than happiness . . . Ultimately, I don't think I'd really be happy working with that clientele. I really do get a lot of satisfaction working with the kids at my job . . .'

Simply re-framing her dilemma in terms of, 'Will it bring me happiness? seemed to provide a certain clarity. Suddenly, it became much easier to make her decision. She decided to remain in Phoenix. Of course, she still complained about the summer heat. But having made the conscious decision to remain there on the basis of what she felt would ultimately make her happier somehow made the heat more bearable.